I've been putting this post of for a while now because I was afraid I'd start crying. Well, I've started crying and I haven't finished two sentences yet. We just celebrated 13 years of marriage and I know this last year was a tough one. Certainly unlucky 13!!
Dave has been a rock through all of this. I never saw him cry. He has gone above and beyond so many times. Dave has tried to go to as many doctor appointments as possible and even took off days without pay in order to be by my side. We try to pick the most important appointments for him to attend but it's not always possible. We keep in touch on appointment and treatment days through texting and quick phone calls.
So, he paced and paced and paced through my two surgeries. He took care of the dogs. He kept a ton of people updated while I was in the hospital. He held my hand while waiting and kept me conscious while the IV needles were going in. He cleaned up the rest of the garbage disaster when we got home at 1AM after surgery #1. Yes, he intended to take the garbage out but we got sidetracked when the hospital moved up my surgery time due to a cancellation. So, the pack had a grand old time tearing apart the garbage and leaving it all over the house. My mom cleaned up a lot of it when she came to let the dogs out but there was still a mess.
Dave had to take over most of the day to day operations at home. I couldn't lift anything over 5-10 pounds after each of the surgeries.....that restriction lasted for a month each time so basically from April until late July I couldn't do much. Laundry was one of the big challenges. We organized a multibasket system of dryer/no dryer, darks and lights and other stuff like towels and sheets. I am proud to say nothing turned pink and nothing got ruined.
There were several rock bottom times. I don't say bad days because I would not allow a whole day to be a waste but there were moments. My emotions were a rollercoaster and so was my body. I'd burst out in tears for the smallest thing and he'd hug me the best he could (trying to work around sore areas) and try to get me back on an even keel again. He'd listen, offer advice or crack a silly joke to help me regain perspective. He'd talk me through the rolling spasms that started mid back and would travel down my arm and back again.
Dave was my cheerleader to get my exercises done to strengthen my arm. It was hard to go back to one pound weights and I would cry through the exercises because they hurt so much but I'd get them done. Dave would cheer me on! Dave applauded my slow progress. He also came with me for some of my walks.
Showering was a two person job. We used Glad Press and Seal after surgery #2 to keep the drain area dry. I'd hold the drain bulb (I called it the grenade) and Dave would wash my hair and scrub me down. He'd usually be soaked by the time we were done and the floor was a mess but we did it. Getting dried off was also a challenge since I had to hold the grenade. Sometimes I needed help dressing because of the grenade and range of motion issues.
Cooking was another challenge. A chicken in a pan weighed too much for me to lift. So did a tray of ziti or lasagna. You don't think about these things! A full gallon of milk was too heavy! We had lots of people dropping off meals and Dave did a good job filling in the rest. I also gave in some nights and let him get take out.
Dave was also great keeping my spirits up with gifts along the way. We had signed up for a trip to Paris with my HS for July 2013 so he bought me an Eiffel Tower statue to keep in sight while I was healing. He picked up some little stuffed things as well. He had a picture done for over the front door with our last name-an area that had nothing and the empty space bothered me. I also got what I call my anchor-I grab it when things are tough-it is a silver necklace with a starfish and a saying about how I lose and find myself at the ocean. It is very special to me.
One day he came home with San Marzano, imported from Italy seeds and pepper seeds from Italy. This was our special project to give me something to look forward to all summer. I wasn't going to do a garden but he knows how much I love plants and gardening that he did this for me. He got soil and we planted the seeds. I had to do my garden early because surgery #2 fell right before Memorial Day, when I usually plant. It was great to get the garden in-I had a reason to spend some time outside to lose myself taking care of those plants and I appreciate the tomatoes I have now. I would have just skipped it but I am glad he knew how important it was to me to have a garden.
Dave would try to get me out when I could. He asked the doctor about me going to Easter dinner since it was just 3 days after surgery. I could go but boy was that a hard day with the muscle spasms in my back after riding the mile in the car. He also made sure I got to the Confirmation and Baptism party for my sister's two children which was also 3 days after surgery #2.
When I got frustrated, Dave gently reminded me that I've had two really big surgeries and I need to be patient. when I'd complain about sleeping so much, he'd tell me to enjoy it while I can-what does it matter, I'm home on vacation to heal. Does it really matter if I live a 3am to 3pm awake schedule? Why not nap? He really kept me grounded.
Dave keeps telling me I have done more than he ever though I could. I never thought I'd be able to go through the surgeries I had (over a hundred stitches is a lot to bear) or deal with an IV or the grenade. He reminds me a lot of what I have done so far and that helps with the upcoming port surgery. I've done so much already, why not x,y, or z???
When I was too tired to do things, he jumped in. I was overwhelmed with dog adoption follow ups so I walked him through it and he took over some days. Typing was very painful for a while and I just lacked the focus so he stepped in to try to keep me going with it without being overwhelmed. Sadly, I reached my breaking point with it because of fatigue, pain from typing, some changes in the way follow ups were being done, and other demands on my little amount of awake time and had to give up follow ups. I just couldn't keep up. Looking back, I am glad I did because things didn't get any easier with all of the tests and doctor visits with treatment and the side effects I wrestled with after treatment.
He was also determined to keep my spirits up and to make this the best summer ever. We did a lot of things with his encouragement. He understood that sometimes things couldn't happen because I was in pain or just too tired but we did as much as we could. We missed 4th of July Fireworks but made it to a concert. We missed events but made it to what we could and I appreciated those events because I knew how hard I tried to make it-resting before, etc.
It was also important to give him time alone and with other people. I encouraged him to travel with a friend before surgery #2 and would encourage him to spend time with people and talk about what was going on. I didn't want him to bottle everything inside. He needs a life, too!! He also needed a break to recharge and refocus.
I think a lot of people didn't really understand what it was like day to day as I recovered. Dave saw the good, the bad and the ugly. I put on a smile and am determined to be happy and not let this destroy me but Dave saw all of it the ups and the downs. I would not wish anyone to walk a mile in the shoes I wore since April. I am not going to wallow and I think some people mistook it for "You're fine now." Nope, there's a long road ahead of me and Dave and I will travel it together.
This has been a tough couple of months and I know it is just the beginning. The last few months have brought us closer than ever and really have helped us to understand each other better. I am so glad to have Dave on my team. As he says in his numerous texts..."LOVE YA!"
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