While considering New Year's resolutions, I resolved to change my resolutions! My sister gave me a wonderful journal with dog themes on the front and I found it to be the perfect opportunity to begin writing. So I started with my unresolutions. I decided that this year I was going to focus on MORE and LESS and not very specific, line in the sand, all or nothing stuff. I was lucky to ride this great big ball called Earth for another spin around another even greater ball called Sun (ironic, since it was the source of all of my troubles). I'm not going to torture myself but I can certainly improve and make small, targeted changes each day.
So, this is the More or Less year. Move more, eat less. Read more, procrastinate less. More time with friends, less time in front of a screen. There is a long list of options in my journal. Each day I choose a More and a Less.....sometimes from the list, sometimes not. Hopefully, after another successful spin around the Sun, I will see Less of me, More muscle, Less pills, More smiles.
I also started a jar to drop in little notes about good things happening in my life. I am looking forward to seeing the memories at the end of this year.
I guess all of this is needed to keep my focus forward. I have been doing well and have to believe I will continue to do well. I also know there are things I can do better and ways to improve my life. Several years ago my Weight Watchers leader and friend challenged us to make an optimistic/positive statement each day. That project completely changed my life. I stopped dwelling in the basement of negativity and focused on the good which then carried over into the classroom where I try to undo the negative that comes from my kids. We even have a Mustang Pride board in the class where kids can post the simplest to toughest things they have done that make them proud. Now that the project has finished, I still look for the optimism and good in things as much as I can. So why burden myself with potential failures of number and goal driven resolutions?
So this came up in my first Weight Watchers meeting: My leader talked about the pain of losing so many people last year to health issues and when are we going to wake up and live and take care of ourselves. I don't want to defeat cancer only to die from a weight related illness. So, I thought about this the whole ride home. It was one of those powerful meetings that really make you think. I decided that I need to live the crap out of each day. I can't just quit on it because I don't feel like doing anything else or I tell myself I have no energy. Yes, I am wiped out many days but that doesn't mean I need to quit and give up on the day. There are many things I can do that don't require a tremendous effort on my part. For a while I was in bed by 6 or 7 many nights. Yes, I was tired and sick but I just gave up on the day- I didn't want to deal with it anymore. Depression? Maybe-it is a common side effect of pituitary failure. But in reality, I think I just gave myself permission to quit and call it a day to avoid living. So yes, I will still get a good night of sleep but I also can end the day physically tired instead of mentally done. We all know the difference, I'm sure.
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