5 Years (8/4/13)

Ok, please don't jump on me for being fatalistic or thinking negative. Thank You. I am being realistic and facing the reality. I have been reading a lot about new treatments and ideas about melanoma. Of course, with that comes the statistics. I have been told I'm not a statistic, percentages are created to be beaten, all sorts of things. I'd like to think I'm on the 40-60% 5 year survival rate side of the statistics. (depends on where you look) Guess I'll know in 4 years.....

With that being said, it is hard not to let the 5 year number stare you in the face. Dare you to defy it. Do you have it in you? Did the Ippi drug work well enough for the three doses to eliminate the melanoma cells lurking in my body? Will they land again with a great big thud on a scan in the next 5 years? 10? 20? You see, you are never DONE with melanoma because it usually is never DONE with you. It is that stalker who hangs out in the shadows. You can't let your guard down, ever.

So, it really messes with your head at times. Usually when you have just had a week like I have had-sleep deprived, exhausted, PMS, stress, not enough exercise kinda week. Then you start thinking and your brain goes to places you'd rather not visit. The though of leaving behind Dave, family, friends and the dogs is really, really, really times 10 disturbing and sad and emotional. So emotional I can't even talk about it out loud.

So, if you had 5 more years (4, I've used up one already) to live, how would you do it? What would you change? Would you live it with purpose and leave a really big mark on the planet? Would you be selfish and do anything your heart desired? How would you interact with loved ones? Would you still work? (I have to-mortgage to pay, need the insurance and I get great joy out of making an impact on the world by teaching). These are things I think about. Is this activity worth using part of my 5 years? I know I'm already on borrowed time after events in the fall so I appreciate time. I have thought about these questions. I also hope to beat the 5 year statistics and decide where life takes me after that......

My question to you is this: If you only had five years left, how would YOU live your life? And why aren't you doing that now? You never know-life is not infinite.