I have been able to share a lot of joyful moments with my parents:
"I got into college!"
"I got a scholarship!"
"I got the job!"
"I'm getting married!"
"We bought a house!"
"I'm JFK's teacher of the year!"
"My district nominated me for a difficult to get, prestigious award and I was one of the top five finalists in the state and am now considered an Exemplary Educator in NJ!"
The one statement no parent ever wants to hear, I'm sure, was the one I had to break to them in March of 2012.....
"Mom, I have cancer and it looks pretty bad I need surgery on my back ."
I can't imagine to pain she went through hearing those words from me. I mean, I'm her child, even though I'm 43 at the time, she's still my Mom. Dave already knew because he was at the appointment. I don't know how I would have broken the news to him so it was easier he heard it from the doctor as well.
I then had to hit them with the surgery, it's Stage Three, it spread and they don't know how much yet. I need more surgery. I need experimental treatments. I need to see a breast surgeon because of my mammogram (another story for another blog). It was not easy and I'd always be on the verge of crying. Then Dave would break the news to his parents and put them through the pain of their son having to deal with being a cancer caregiver and their only daughter-in-law dealing with cancer.
So, parents go into parent mode and offer support and help even though they are helpless because they can't make it all better.
Dad has been great. He takes me to appointments, even if we have to wait a while to see the doctor. He dropped me off and picked me up after treatment. He doesn't say much but I know he's there for me.
Mom went into Mom mode which for her means cleaning makes it all better! She and Dave's mom helped with laundry and cleaning. They kept me company. They went for walks with me. I tried to put on the brave front the best I could. Without them we'd be a mess.....they pitched in with sheets, laundry, floors, and bathroom cleaning. I think everyone knows how to use our washing machine by now!
I hit rock bottom one morning-Dave was working, I had been dealing with the drain for two weeks, wanted a real shower, had had it with everything and wanted my life back. It was a beautiful day but I was afraid to go outside. I mean, the sun had put me into this position, why go out in it??? I called Mom and she came right over. I was such a mess I couldn't even get off the bed to open the door. She found me sobbing in the bedroom and talked me down from that ledge. She then got me outside for my daily walk and talked some rational sense back into me. I am so thankful they live close and we have such a good relationship.
Mom also came to my most recent appointment with the surgeon at CINJ about some funky mammogram stuff. I think it was good for her to finally see what I call my second home and to meet some of the people who are working on the team to treat me. It was also good because she could answer their detailed family history questions better than I could. I think she felt much better after that appointment.
Mom and I were talking the other day and she gave me a big hug and said she was so glad I have a great team of doctors who know what they are doing and don't play around with this cancer stuff. Me too. I guess that thought keeps her grounded. She also has some great friends who check in on her to make sure she and Dad are ok.
My Mother In Law came the day after surgery #1. She keeps telling me how well I handle all of this which gives me the energy to keep handling the cancer stuff. We went for a walk that day even though I had over 80 stitches alone in my back and more under each arm with some glue. We did about a mile and it was really nice to have some time with her. She has a full plate already with family stuff so I try not to add to her demands but we do talk on the phone and Dave is good about keeping them updated. I think it is great that Dave has a wonderful relationship with his parents-he needs people to talk to about this as well!
So, thank you to the parents!!! So glad you are part of the Warrior Tribe!!
No comments:
Post a Comment