Prepping the end of the Neolithic Age can wait......needed to take a break so I decided to begin this entry!
Today's team members are not people. They are the 'things' that have helped me on my journey to stay alive and beat this melanoma crap. I have a dermatologist appointment on Monday with The Big Guy so keep your fingers crossed that another mole has not gone rogue. Hopefully it saw what happened to the last rogue mole and will not turn foul and cancerous.
Anyway, one of my biggest team members is a positive attitude. I have had so many people tell me how 'strong' I have been. People, it's called survival instinct!!! I mean, the alternative was to play ostrich and bury my head in the sand at the nearest beach. This was something I could not mess around with. Believe me, Dave can tell you there were plenty of times I was weak, wanted to quit, begged for my old life back, and had a crap a$$ attitude about all of this. Honestly, I really don't know how else to deal with this other than to soldier on the best I can and have a positive outlook. I guess I can chalk it up to good German and English stock!
However, I belonged to the optimism project and in a few short months of dedication, daily reflection, and focus, I knew this was my really big optimism test. My Weight Watchers leader would remind me if I hadn't posted something on the optimism project posts on Facebook. I was forced to find the positive no matter what each day. You know what? I came out of this with an intense appreciation for life. I have decided this is not going to define me in a negative way. Has it defined me? Yes, in many ways. There isn't a day that goes by without thinking about what I've been through. How I handle what comes next depends on how I handle the here and now.
Another team member has been The Walk. My primary care doctor was floored when I shared my diagnosis. His wife is a breast cancer survivor and he gave me some priceless advice (well, a $15 co-pay's worth of advice....). He said he and his wife made a pact to not allow the negative into the house. Their goal was to walk and walk and walk until they felt better and could bring the positive back in the door with them. I held on to this advice and still follow it. I did a lot of miles after surgery to keep my head clear. Some days I was out by 6am walking, rain or shine, to keep my head on straight. No music, just me and my emotional baggage. I emptied that bag onto the sidewalk as I walked. I'd come in with the mentally empty bag and carry on. Some days it was a mile, others it was 3 or 4.
The Gifts are another team member. A wonderful husband and wife team at work have been incredibly supportive. They sent me a terrific bracelet that says "Life Is Tough But I Am Tougher." I wear it to doctor appointments and treatment and whenever I need that boost. I was crying on the way home after hearing there were more cancer lymph nodes found after Surgery #2. Dave asked me to read my bracelet and told me to follow that advice and pull myself together. I have a few very special bracelets-tree of life, bravelet that says 'be brave' , and a Saint Christopher bracelet. I also have a St Peregrine medal to help as well. The most important piece of jewelry is the necklace Dave ordered for me. It has a starfish charm and a disc that says 'The ocean is where I lose and find myself'. It has become an anchor for myself and I grab it a lot. I also have a guardian angel worry stone that I carry in my purse for the waiting room at the Cancer Institute since I am usually too nervous to read while waiting.
The upcoming trip to Paris is another team member. A bucket list item for sure!!! It is a goal and every once in a while Dave picks up something with the Eiffel Tower on it to keep me encouraged. My team of doctors knows it is a goal and are doing everything in their power to get me there in July.
Besides walking, Zumba is also on my team. I work hard and sweat like crazy but it gives me some time to think of nothing but the steps. As soon as my mind wanders, BAM, I screw up and have to refocus! It is a great distraction. I now exercise for reasons in addition to losing weight. I relish the time I have to exercise and make it a point to do it every day.
Reading has helped, too. I am able to lose myself in a book and feel refreshed and ready to go back to real life again!
"You Never Said I Couldn't" is also on my team. My oncologist said "So, you decided to go back to work? Are you up to it?" Well, you never said I couldn't! Same for Zumba, the Gym membership, and various other things. If I don't get an explicit NO then I call it a go.......I do it because I can and I plan to do it for as long as I can. This is my life, I have a lot to do!
So, really, there is no big secret to this. Live your life. Carry on! Now back to the Neolithic People.....
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